Never be alone again
by NikkiMarie21
Summary: Violet had lived a very traumatic life. She lives everyday in pain, and believes that she is not worthy of companionship. Can a certain butler help her heal the scars from her past? Will they find love along the way? There will be angst, tragedy, and romance! SO BE READY!
1. Chapter 1

I wanted to get this new Sanjay story published! I hope you all like it! Main character-Violet Age-20 Appearance-5'4 Long white hair that reaches her thighs, violet eyes, pale skin tone. Personality-Comes off as being cold, but really just has a hard time expressing herself in any way other then anger. Had a very traumatic life which led to her being standoffish, and giving her a mean disposition.

Violet sighed as she tightened her aqua coat around her shoulders. It was the beginning of winter and it was very cold. She liked winter the best out of all seasons. It just seemed to match her personality better then any of the other seasons. She always came off as being icy and mean even though she really didn't try to be like that. With a past like hers how could she act any different? She had been abandoned as a baby by her parents and left to grow up in an orphanage. The keepers of the orphanage abused and tortured her, and the other kids in every way possible. She remembered being locked in the basement for days at a time in the darkness. Rosa would bring the little boys down and make them molest the little girls who she had chained to the walls. Violet actually felt almost as bad for the boys as she did for herself, and the other girls. It wasn't that the boys wanted to touch them, it was just that Rosa threatened them with a lashing if they didn't do as she said. If they listened they didn't get hurt... So Violet couldn't blame them for listening to Rosa. And when the sexual abuse escalated due to Arthur taking interest in the girls for himself, she was not surprised. She had seen him watching her, and the other girls with a lustful look in his eyes. She knew that look all too weel by the time she ran away from the orphanage. She had seemed to be the main target of his abuse for reasons that she couldn't understand. It just got to the point where she couldn't take it anymore, and she had to escape. She felt guilty about leaving the others behind... That guilt ate her up inside every single day. She had heard through the news that the authorities had found out about what had went down there, and Arthur, and Rosa had been arrested. She remembered hoping that they got everything they had given the children who depended on them to take care of them. The children who they had hurt, and tortured beyond repair.

"No amount of pain will ever be enough for those two... They deserve to die for what they did..." Violet uttered quietly to herself as she looked up towards the sky. Other people might think she was being unreasonable for wishing that, but they would never understand the depth of pain that she lived with everyday because of them. She shook her head to clear it of unpleasant thoughts as she walked off of her farm. A walk in the forest sounded good right now. It beat talking to anyone in town right now. It wasn't that she didn't talk to anyone in town, it was just that she had a hard time talking to people in a polite manner. She just came off as blunt, and mean and it seemed to put people off. It wasn't that they avoided, or disliked her, it was just that she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and that would happen if she tried to get close to anyone here. She didn't feel deserving of friends after she abandoned her friends at the orphanage, so she never pursued friendship.

She noticed Rebecca exiting the mine as she passed by. Rebecca smiled slightly and waved at her as she passed by on her way to the goddess spring. She hid her face in her coat as she gave her a half hearted wave in response. Everyone was so friendly and bubbly here now... It was a stark contrast to when she had first arrived here when she was eighteen. There had been no one besides Dunhill, Emma the shipper, and Hana the little old lady who ran the general store. Then the blacksmith Iroha had moved into town so she could train to become a full fledged blacksmith. After that Rebecca and her son Toni had moved in. Rebecca was an architect who sold blueprints so people could build things. It was funny actually... There hadn't been a house for the two to move into, so Violet had gotten stuck with the task of building their house for them. After seeing how good of a job she had done, Dunhill had decided to push off his master Town Renovation plans on her. She had actually just finished the last plan a week or so ago. Now that she didn't have to work on building houses for people she had a lot more free time. But now she just seemed to have a lot more time to think about things that she would rather forget about.

She noticed someone sitting at the Goddess pond as she approached. It was one of the foreign men that had just moved in. He had a long braid over his right shoulder, and he was wearing a long blue robe that went down to his knees, a black vest with gold trim sat on his shoulders, and white pants the turned inward at the bottom, and black slipper looking shoes adorned his feet. She couldn't remember his name to save her life. Amshay... something like that...

He looked up as she passed by to go to the peak of the mountain. "Good morning Miss Violet!" He spoke gently as she turned to look over her shoulder at him. He was smiling at her gently and it was making her feel weird... No one ever smiled at her before she came here.

"Oh morning... Umm... I'm sorry... I'm horrible with names..." She glanced around nervously as he watched her. He was watching her with a gentleness that she had never seen before. It would put her at ease if she wasn't suck a tortured person inside. He didn't look bothered at all by the fact that she had forgotten his name.

"Oh no it is quite alright! My name can be difficult to remember!" She looked at him strangely as he smiled at her. Was it even possible for someone to be this nice? His lips moved and she vaguely heard him say something.

"Umm what was that?" She mumbled embarassed that she had spaced out. If only she wasn't so conflicted all of the time, people wouldn't have to repeat themselves to her multiple times.

"My name is Sanjay, I'm Master Amir's butler. Do you think you can remember now?" She would think he was taunting her if he wasn't smiling so gently at her. It was official he was either too nice, or he was faking it. She was leaning towards the fake part. No one she had ever met smiled like that. He would probably take advantage of her if she gave him the chance.

"Sanjay... I'll try to remember it... I apologize in advance if I forget it..." She mumbled as she shifted her feet nervously. Conversation was never her strong suit... She would normally just sit and not say anything, or she would get irritated and snap at whoever was bothering her.

"It may take a few times for you to remember it! Don't be bothered if you don't get it right away." He waved her off as he gestured for her to sit down by him. "You can join me if you would like. I admit that I am not the best at conversation but I sense that you aren't either." An understanding smile lit up on his face.

"Sure... It won't hurt..." She whispered almost inaudibly as she sat down next to him, putting a healthy distance between them. She wasn't sure why anyone would want to talk to her... But she guessed it couldn't hurt to be there with him. Something about him intrigued her, but she wasn't sure what it was.

"I am glad that Master Amir, and I were able to come live here." He started as he glanced up at the sky. "You have really done a great job restoring this town. It is a wonderful place to live."

She had been watching him intently as he spoke. He seemed to radiate a certain gentleness that made him seem almost ethereal to her. Maybe he wasn't a deceptive monster waiting to pounce when she least expected it... He chose that moment to look down at her catching her gaze. She couldn't seem to pull her eyes away from his. His eyes were the softest brown that she had ever seen... They were almost mesmerizing to her.

"Miss Violet?" He waved his hands in front of her face to bring her attention back to him. She blushed as she buried her face further into her coat. "Are you feeling unwell? You look quite flushed..." He looked concerned for her wellbeing.

He placed his hand on her forehead gently, causing her to freeze. She couldn't stand being touched by other people... Normally she would react quite violently when someone put a hand on her. But when he touched her it didn't bother her... What was he doing to her?

"You feel a little hot... Are you feeling sick? Would you like me to escort you home?" Her eyes snapped up to meet his face. His eyes were steady on her face as he waited for her to say something.

"I'm fine... You don't have to do that..." She drew her eyes away from his face and focused on the ground. He was not what she was expecting at all. He really was as gentle, and kind as he seemed. And Violet would know if he was faking it... She knew evil when she saw it. He was something that she had never seen before, so he must be good.

"If you are sure..." He trailed off uncertain. He seemed to realize something at that moment. "Oh I must be going! I need to prepare Master Amir's lunch!" He gathered his things quickly and stood up. He seemed to be contemplating something as he stood there. He turned back to her. "Would you like to come over for lunch? I believe that Master Amir would like to speak with you."

She wasn't sure if his Master would want to see her again after he got to know her a little bit... But she decided to relent and go with him, if only so she could get to know him better. "Sure." She mumbled as she pulled herself up from the ground. He smiled brightly at her as they made their way down the mountain.

"Sanjay I thought you would never come back! Oh Violet it is good to see you!" Amir greeted them as they entered the dining room. Neil, and Allen were there which was odd. Maybe Amir had made friends with the two in the short time he, and Sanjay had been here. "Have a seat Violet!" Amir gestured to a chair across from him.

"Ok..." She settled herself down into the chair as all eyes focused on her. Just great... She definitely wanted to be the center of attention... "What?" She asked irritably as the three continued to watch her.

Sanjay entered the room with the plates containing everyone's food at that moment. He sat the plates in front of each person before he sat down next to her. He seemed to not notice the other occupants of the room staring at her.

"I am sorry for staring at you... It's just that you can't be any older then I am, and you have already rebuilt this entire town... I'm just very impressed with your work ethic and drive." Amir stated before he took a bite of his food. He chewed his food with a thoughtful look on his face. "What do you think is most important when restoring a town like this one?" He asked curiously.

"Matching existing characteristics... The new needs to match the old..." She muttered as she picked at her food. She couldn't eat with everyone staring at her like this... Neil, and Allen were acting like they had never seen her before... It was like she was the new toy...

Amir clapped his hands together in excitement. "Your way of thinking is very similar to my own! I also think that it is essential to compliment the scenery that already exists here! Most people think that modernization is best, but I happen to disagree with this. No wonder this town is such a desirable place to live now!" He was watching her with something akin to adoration, and it unnerved her. He was honestly too happy over something that she did not think was a big deal...

"It was nothing... You should be thanking Dunhill. All I did was follow his plans." She didn't look up from her plate as she waited for whatever he had to say next. Her food was more interesting to her then the men that were around her at the moment. She had never realy spoke to anyone in the town before today. What could she say? Oh I'm just cold and antisocial as hell... Sorry that I now deem it necesary to talk to you after two years of ignoring you... Yeah that would go over well...

"But you arranged all of the decorations, and houses did you not?" Sanjay's soft voice spoke up from right beside her. She had forgotten he was there because he was so quiet... At least he could speak without being spoken to... She never really spoke unless someone spoke to her first.

"Yeah... I did..." She shrugged her shoulders in indifference. To her it wasn't really a big deal. She just wanted to get Dunhill's Reno plans done so that she didn't have to worry about them anymore. She would rather everyone just forget about it, so they wouldn't bother her anymore.

"Yes she did do a good job organizing the town didn't she Neil?" Allen's arrogant voice piped in, causing her to scowl at him. She never really cared for cocky men... They reminded her of Arthur... He smirked at the look she was shooting him. "Now there's no need to get agressive there kitten... Put those claws away, I was just agreeing with you!"

She growled low under her breath as she stood abruptly. "Call me kitten again and you'll see how well I can use these claws!" She was giving him the harshest glare she could muster. It seemed to have the desired effect, because he paled slightly and looked away. Another reason why she didn't make friends with people so easily... She couldn't take a joke... or so she was told. But she did not like to be called by that pet name... Arthur's voice echoed in her head. "Come here kitten..." His voice made her shudder slightly. "Sorry... I think I should go..." She muttered refusing to meet anyone's gaze. She turned on her heel and ran out the door.

"Stupid!" She yelled to herself as she ran down the path to her farm. She almost wanted to cry at her outburst... She didn't want to make friends with the people here... But she didn't want them to think that she was crazy, even though she was. She had probably just given Sanjay a bad impression of her... "Why do I even care what he thinks?" She asked herself as she threw the door to her house shut after her. She tried to rationalize that she only cared because he didn't outright judge her. He had made her feel more comfortable then she had ever felt before. He seemed like he didn't care about her quiet personality at all. Well he himself was a very quiet person too, maybe that was why she was so much more at ease with him. He was like her in some ways. And now she had ruined it with her agressive behavior. It wasn't her fault though, she was raised around violence so it was second nature for her to react with more violence. Allen was just lucky that he didn't touch her... If he had then it would have gotten ugly for him. She scowled at her own thoughts as knocking resounded in her ear.

"Miss Violet? Are you okay?" Sanjay's voice called from the other side of her door.

"Yeah I'm fine!" She yelled as she blocked the door with her body. She couldn't believe that he had followed her to her home. Was he worried about her? Was he upset at her because of how she had acted? She steeled herself as she turned to open her door. The door opened to reveal a worried looking Sanjay. He looked relieved that she was alright.

"I was very worried after you ran out like that! I do not know what Allen said to upset you so much, but I am sure he did not mean anything by it..." He looked contemplative for a moment. "May I come in?" He gestured to the inside of her house. She moved aside quickly to give him access. She watched him as he looked around the inside of her home. "This is a very nice house." He commented as she moved to take a seat at her table. He pulled a chair out across from her and took a seat.

"It's nice..." She agreed with him. She left out the part where anything was nice to her because she had lived on the streets for almost six years. "I didn't mean to be so rude earlier... I just can't stand when people call me that... It sets my temper off, and I just snap." She sighed deeply as she focused her eyes on his face.

"Normally I would not pry but... I sense that there is something more to it then that. You can talk to me about it if you want to. I know we haven't known each other for very long but, I would never tell anyone anything you said." He smiled reassuringly at her.

She wasn't sure why, but she felt like she could trust him... It was like they had known each other for years already... "I grew up in an orphanage..." She looked up gauging his reaction to what she said. He looked at her sympathetically. "The headmaster Arthur used to call me kitten all the time... I hated it when he called me that." She shuddered out a breath as she soldiered on. "He and his wife ran the orphanage together. They were very abusive to the kids there... That's why... I can't stand it when people call me kitten because it reminds me of when I was in the orphanage... It reminds me of the pain I was always forced to endure there." Why was she telling him all of this? She couldn't answer that question herself because she didn't know. She just knew that she felt comfortable with him. "I... I just... tend to express my anger best... I don't mean to be so mean all the time but... I can't seem to help it." She whispered almost to herself. "I don't want to talk about it anymore... I hope that's ok with you." She looked at him intently.

He nodded in understanding. "That is fine. Do not ever feel like you have to say more then you are comfortable with. When you are ready to tell me more, I will be here." He smiled gently making her feel more at ease.

"Why? Why do you want to know? Why do you seem to care so much about me?" Violet questioned getting angry. She didn't understand people like him. People who cared so much about others that they would help a total stranger. Didn't he see that he was wasting his time? She couldn't be helped! She didn't deserve anyone's sympathy, or compassion! She had abandoned her friends by running away! She had left them to suffer in her stead! The worst part of it was that she knew that they would suffer even more without her! "You don't know anything about me! You're just wasting your time! I don't deserve anyone's sympathy, or compassion! I'm not a good person Sanjay! So whatever is drawing you to me, you'd be better off ignoring it! Don't waste your time trying to get to know me. You will only be dissapointed!" She finished and bit her lip so hard that the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth.

He sat patiently waiting for her to finish her tirade. "If I want to get to know you, then it is not a waste of my time. I knew from the moment we met that you had suffered greatly in your life." He ignored her as she glared at him. "I know that you must be lost as to why I have taken such an interest in you. Well I feel just as lost... I am unsure as to why I am so drawn to you. It feels like you are pulling me towards you... Maybe it is because of your suffering. Maybe it is because we are alike in several ways." He smiled at her confused look. "I also grew up in an orphanage. My parents abandoned me as a baby, and I grew up there." She looked shocked that there was indeed another person in this town who knew what it was like to never know their parents. "It wasn't the same though, we were well cared for at the orphanage I grew up in. I don't even remember the headmaster ever yelling at us. She was a very kind woman, she was always smiling." He looked like he was remembering something pleasant, and she envied that he could do that. "I wish that you had grown up there... You would not have suffered so greatly if you had. You would be able to recall good memories. I doubt that you can do that now..." He frowned sadly as he looked back at her. "But good memories can always be made. I want to help you with that. I want you to be able to remember pleasant things... Let me help you." He held out his hand for her to take.

She looked at it uncertainly. Could she really learn to rely, and confide in someone else? Would he still think she was worth it after he found out about the things she had done, and been forced to do? Could he really help her to make pleasant memories in this life? As she looked up at him again she decided that she wanted to try. "Please..." She whispered as she slipped her hand into his. She wasn't sure if he would be able to truly help her. But if it meant that she wouldn't have to be alone anymore, she was willing to try...


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've been busier then normal the last week or so, so I haven't been able to update daily like I ususally do. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Review and let me know if you liked it or not! I do not own Harvest Moon all rights belong to Natsume.

Violet's eyes trailed up to the clock that hung on the wall next to her bed. It read 10:30 am. She sighed and flopped back down on her bed unceremoniously. She had no idea what she was thinking when she had accepted Sanjay's proposal a few days ago. She had willingly accepted help from another person and that was so unlike her. Maybe her soul was just tired of always wallowing in the pain, and loneliness. She wasn't quite sure. But what she did know was that Sanjay was taking his end of the bargain very seriously. He stopped to visit her at her home every day. He never forced her to talk or anything, just sat and asked how her day was, how she was feeling those kind of things. She wasn't accustomed to people taking an interest in her in a positive way. It was disconcerting the way he acted towards her. Everyday he came to see her, she was more convinced that he was some sort of angel, or saint. His compassionate nature always seemed to make her feel a little bit more at ease then before he came. She wondered how he would act when he came to see her today? It wouldn't be for a while so she decided to go mine for gems.

She pulled herself out of the bed and headed towards her toolbox. Taking her hammer out, she slung it over her shoulder and made her way out the door. Her eyes traveled to her animals that were grazing in the fields. She smiled slightly at them. She loved her animals more then anything else, and they loved her in return. It made up for the lack of love she felt for other humans, and they for her. She gently patted her alpaca Cinder on the head as she passed by to go into town. She was making her way past the General Store when Hana's voice called out to her.

"Violet dear could you come here for a moment?" Hana called out to the startled girl. Violet warred with herself for a moment before she sighed and turned on her heel to go back. She approached Hana timidly, not having spoken to her often at all. "Oh thank you for coming back!" Hana said gratefully as she patted Violet's arm gently, not noticing the way she tensed at the contact. "Could you help me carry these boxes inside dear? They are quite heavy, and I'm not exactly young anymore." Hana was looking at her pleadingly, and she sighed at seeing the look on her face. She placed her hammer down and moved forward to heft several boxes up to take inside. They weren't heavy in the least to her. She was a farmer after all, and even before she came here she was stronger then most women. In no time she had the boxes stacked behind the counter in the shop, and Hana smiled brightly at her. "Thank you so much Violet! I couldn't have done it without you! Next time you need something you just let me know!" Violet nodded her head in affirmation and turned to exit the store.

She grabbed her hammer from its propped position next to the door and slung it over her shoulder again. She grunted in irritation as she continued her trek up the mountain. She entered the forest area and made her way towards the mine, waving half heartedly to Iroha as she went by. She entered the mine and headed for the green point, immediately striking it with her hammer. Mining was the best way to get her anger, and frustration out and she pounded away at the strike points with her hammer viciously. Her mind whispered that there was another way to deal with the pain, but she willed it to shut up. The memories of slashing at her skin, and watching the blood poor out was overwhelming for her. She used to be quite the self harmer before she came to Echo town. She had swore to herself that she would stop after she came here. She wanted to leave everything behind to start fresh. That seemed to be the only thing she could even partially leave behind. She couldn't say that she truly left it behind, because she still felt the urge to carve her skin up like a damn jack o lantern on a daily basis. She didn't want to be like that anymore. She didn't want to feel like she had been defeated anymore. She felt like everytime she self harmed it was like admitting that they had beaten her, they had made her feel the need to do it. Tears welled up in her eyes as she viciously tore away at the rock. The urge to just make a little cut was almost stifling in its intensity. She stopped her furious attack on the rock wall and let out a strangled cry. She quickly removed her rucksack from her back and pulled out a long switchblade. She flipped it open and brought it to her exposed wrist. Her hand trembled as the blade touched her skin and she hesitated. All she wanted to do was cut herself open and watch the evidence of her pain run out in thick rivulets. 'Weak' her mind whispered as she relented and sliced the blade into her skin.

"Mmmm..." She moaned as she watched the blood run from the fresh cut she had made. It was almost like the pain was seeping out with the blood. It made her feel high, made her feel light, and airy. She didn't even care that she had broken the one vow that she had swore to keep when she had come here. As she watched the blood drip from her skin, heard the screams in her mind subside she couldn't feel anymore at ease. "Why did I ever stop?" She moaned deliriously as she removed a bandage from her rucksack and patched the cut up. She stood up and gather her things, along with the ores, and gems she had mined and exited the mine. She made her way back down the mountain and into town. She deposited the ores, and gems into the shipping bin besides Emma's house before she continued on her way home. Entering her farm she noticed a familiar figure sitting next to her door.

"Hello Ms. Violet." Sanjay greeted as he looked up from the book he was reading. He quickly placed the book into his robes and stood to meet her. "I was worried that you had forgotten about my daily visits." He smiled gently at the sharp look she sent him. "I was simply joking Ms. Violet, no need to get so upset. Shall we go in?" He gestured to the door of her home. She simply nodded her head and moved to open the door so they could go in.

"Let me put this away real quick." She muttered as she moved back to her tool chest to deposit the hammer into it. She stood and glanced over her shoulder to see Sanjay in her kitchen. "What are you doing?" She asked quietly as she turned and made her way over to the kitchen.

"It is lunchtime now, so I figured I could make us something to eat." He said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She just looked at him quietly as he continued to bang around in her kitchen. He set a pan on the stove and added some oil to it, before he added a mixture of eggs, and rice. He set to frying up the rice omelets as he turned his attention to her. "So was your trip to the mine fruitful?" He asked as he flipped the omelet in the pan.

"Yeah kind of..." She trailed off ashamed of herself. The gravity of her broken vow had come back to her full force, causing her to feel immense self loathing for her weakness.

She said nothing more as she watched him cook. She looked up at him studying his features. His face was perfectly sculpted with a very nice bone structure, perfect skin, and sharp features. His dark skin made him look incredibly exotic, and attractive. His white hair was of a darker shade then hers, but it fit him perfectly. And those soft brown eyes that almost looked purple were gorgeous. 'He's so handsome...' Her mind shimed in. She stopped abruptly and turned away from him. She was openly ogling him! She couldn't believe the way her mind was working today! First she gives in to the urge to cut, next she's ogling her only friend in the whole world like a piece of man candy. 'He'll never be interested in someone as messed up as you.' Her mind said darkly and she agreed with that statement. That thought sent her into an even deeper pit of self hate, and she wanted nothing more then to cut again. Everything made her want to cut! But then she always felt such an intense hate for herself when she did give into the urge to do it! What could she do? Everything made her hate herself more then she already did! Was there no hope for her?

"Violet?" Sanjay's face entered her line of vision startling her so much that she jolted and knocked her forehead against his chin. He recoiled slightly and rubbed his abused chin. "Sorry I did not mean to startle you! I was merely trying to tell you that lunch is ready." He smiled and gestured behind him to the table. She started slightly at having been too deep in her own thoughts to notice that he had done that.

"Oh ok." She mumbled quietly as she made her way to the table. She took her seat and waited for him to do the same. He took the seat across from her and began eating his food. She cut a piece of the omelet and brought it to her mouth hesitantly. She started slightly when the food hit her tastebuds. It was surprisingly good! She was a good cook herself, you had to be when you lived by yourself for a good majority of your life. He looked at her expectantly. "It's good..." She muttered quietly still not used to conversing with people like this. He beamed slightly at her compliment and went back to eating his own food. They continued eating before something seemed to catch his attention. He stopped eating abruptly and focused on a point on her arm. She followed his line of vision and saw that it led to a blood stain on her wrist. She cursed herself internally for choosing that day to wear a grey shirt. "I uh... cut myself on a rock when I was mining... It's nothing serious." She muttered hoping that he would drop it. He furrowed his brow as he continued staring at the stain.

"They wouldn't your sleeve be cut?" He asked suspisiously. He was openly staring at her at this point and it was unnerving her.

"I roll my sleeves up when I mine. I should have been more careful..." She said quietly. He didn't seem pacified in the least.

"We should clean it so it doesn't get infected." He said as he stood up from his chair and made his way over to her. She stood up and moved around the table in the opposite direction from him. "Ms. Violet we need to clean the cut! Please do not behave childishly!" He reprimanded her as he approached her again. Her eyes shot over to the door and he moved to block her path to it. He was looking at her worriedly now. Surely a small cut was not something to get this worked up over? He reached his hand out and grasped her uninjured wrist in his hand. "Let me see it." He said softly as he moved his hand to the injured wrist and began rolling the sleeve up. He started when he saw the offending cut. It was obvious that this was not caused by a jagged piece of rock. The cut was long, and deep, but it was also a clean cut like someone had done it with a knife. He could see why she was so hesitant to show this to him. "Who did this?" He asked in slight anger. He detested violence more then anything else in the world, and to see that someone had hurt his friend upset him greatly. His mind said that she was more then a friend to him, but he ignored it. He looked up as she jolted in surprise.

"No one..." She stated quietly as she focused on the wall. He looked up at her in disbelief. She sighed heavily as she met his eyes once more. She wasn't happy to be admitting her self harm to anyone, let alone the one friend she did have. But she couldn't have him thinking that someone else did it to her, that would be wrong. "I... Have you ever heard of self harm?" She asked him quietly. He looked at her in confusion, and shook his head. "Self harm is the deliberate mutilation of one's own body. It's where someone deliberately hurts themselves. The most common form is cutting..." She held up her bloody wrist for emphasis. His eyes widened in realization as he looked at her, then to her wrist.

"You... did this to yourself? But why?" He looked heartbroken as he asked her. It made her hate herself even more when she saw the look on his face. He looked like someone had killed his puppy or something. She shrugged her shoulders noncommitedly. He grasped her shoulders tightly forcing her eyes to meet his. "Why? I thought we were going to help you get over all of this together! Why would you hurt yourself like this? Have I been coming to see you for no reason?" He spoke firmly. She tensed at the last bit, and her expression darkened.

"I don't know, have you? Are you only coming here because you feel sorry for me? Because if that's the reason why you're wasting your time here, then you can go!" She yelled angrily as she pointed to the door. It hurt more deeply then anything else at that moment. The thought that he was only coming around because of her pain, and that he felt no real sense of friendship towards her cut her deeply. That had to be it! No one would ever willingly be friends with someone as mentally damaged as her, unless it was out of pity! Her anger rose dangerously and before she knew what she was doing she had shoved him away from her. "Go then! I don't need pity from anyone! If you endured the things that I have, then you would know why I do this! When you can't deal with the endless amount of pain inside you have to do something! When I cut it's like I can control my life! I choose to hurt myself, nobody else is doing it to me for once! And if you must know, it's nowhere near as bad as what I went through in the orphanage! You should just be thankful I haven't killed myself yet! Wait no! Don't even bother being thankful for anything! You're just here because you pity me! And I don't need that from you! SO GO BACK HOME TO YOUR PRINCE AND DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU DO!" She screamed at him in outrage. He just stood there not saying a word during her tirade. "I can't believe I thought that there was someone that actually wanted to be around me... I guess it really was too good to be true... The only friend I ever thought I had turned out to be like everyone else. But I should thank you for reminding me of what I already knew... So thank you Sanjay." She said quietly her gaze unwavering on him. He tensed in irritation after a moment.

"You are wrong! I am not here because I feel pity for you. I truly did sense that you were in pain, so I wanted to be able to be your friend so that I could help you! But then I got to know you, and I can see the good in you that you cannot seem to see yourself!" He bristled in agitation. "You should not abuse yourself because of what someone else has done to you! Haven't they done enough already? Why do you truly feel the need to add to it? Haven't you suffered enough?" He trailed off despondently as his shoulders sagged as his head dropped low. "I cannot understand how you truly feel... I have not suffered the same way that you have. But I still wish to help you in any way that I can. And it is out of compassion that I sincerely want this... I do not know why, but I cannot seem to think about anything else but you... And not just helping you to feel better, but I just... I think about you often..." He trailed off uncertain of why that was. His mind said that he had had feelings for her since the day they met, and he couldn't deny that they had grown substantially over the time they had spent together. He had tried to rationalize that it was only friendship, and he merely wanted to help his friend but, he knew it was more then that.

She blushed heavily and averted her gaze to the floor. All anger had seemingly drained from her body at his confession. Something stirred in her stomach and she fought it down. She didn't want to acknowledge the growing feelings that she had for him. She wanted him to have better then her... He deserved to have better then her. She gritted her teeth in hatred for herself. She couldn't allow this to go any further... She could allow him to fall any deeper for her then he already had. "Sanjay... I can't let you do this." He started and he swung his eyes to meet hers. "I've got more monsters, and demons then anyone you have ever met. All you would do is suffer if you keep nuturing any affection you have for me. So it's because I truly do like you, that I have to tell you to stop coming to see me." She finished resolutely.

He looked shocked, but it quickly changed to irritation. "Even if I stop coming here it won't change how I am feeling Violet." She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off effectively. "I will give you all the time that you need, so that you can accept my feelings for you. And I will never force anything on you, you know this. But these feelings won't change... I thought it was just a deep friendship, fueled by a desire to ease your pain, but I was wrong. I tossed aside the growing affection that I felt for you, because I was afraid that you were not ready for it yet. But now that you are here telling me to leave and never come back, I have to tell you everything. I have to accept the feelings that I refused to acknowledge before. I care for you deeply, and I won't stop coming here to be with you. I need you as much as you need me." She opened her mouth to protest that she didn't need anything, but he cut her off quickly. "You do need me Violet. You said it yourself, you have always been alone. No one deserves that, especially not you. Let me keep coming to see you Violet. I want to ease your suffering in the only way I can. By acknowledging my feelings, and being with you..." He moved forward to stand in front of her.

She brought her face up slowly to meet his eyes. "Why? A smart and reasonable man would turn around and never come back here. They would look for a woman that could accept their affections without feeling fear. I can't even touch people because it makes my skin crawl... I probably can't even touch you without feeling like a thousand spiders are crawling all over me... How can anyone be in a relationship with someone they can't touch?" He opened his mouth to give her an answer, but she cut him off. "You can't have a relationship without physical contact Sanjay! It just doesn't work that way!" How this discussion had gone from her yelling at him to get out, to him confessing his feelings for her, she would never know. But she knew one thing without a doubt, she felt afraid. She was afraid of opening up to him, afraid to let him in. Would he cringe away when he saw what was underneath the surface? Would he decide that it wasn't worth his time and leave her behind? If she did let him in, and he chose to do that it would break her even more then she was now. She was afraid to put herself into his hands. What could she say to him? "I'm scared of you..." She whispered brokenly.

"Do not be afraid of me." He smiled gently in reassurance. He would not push her to decide today. When you truly cared about someone you would wait as long as it takes. He would wait for her to decide, he would wait for her to be ready to be with him. "I will wait for you Violet. When you care for someone you will wait as long as it takes for them. I know you are frightened, and I have no intentions to push you any further before you are ready." He took her in as she stood before him, head bowed, and shoulders hunched. There would never be a more beautiful woman to him.

She looked up at him determinedly, and took a step forward. She reached her hand out to touch him apprehensively, her body shaking like a leaf as she did so. The few times they had touched each other she had not felt the fear that normally went along with physical contact. It had startled her the first time it had happened, when she had grabbed his hand and felt nothing but warmth. She didn't have the urge to react in any way, and her skin did not crawl as it normally would have. She wanted to know that she could touch him in a way she could not touch other people. Maybe it was to give herself some kind of hope that she could do what he was requesting of her. She steeled herself as she raised her hand up to lightly touch his cheek. Her body jolted slightly at the unfamiliar sensation of her skin touching someone else's, but she did not feel her skin crawl in protest at the contact like she normally would. It brought her up short. Never in her entire life had this happened to her. She had never been able to touch someone like this without her skin crawling in protest, to the point of pain. What did this mean for her? Her mind brought up the silly notion of soulmates, but she shook it off. She wasn't sure if she believed in that kind of thing. But as she caressed his face softly with no unpleasant feelings, she realized she rather liked this feeling. She liked being able to touch him like this, and knowing that she could. Her heart skipped a beat, and her mind screamed that everything was happening too fast. Before she realized what she was doing, she had leaned up and pressed her lips against his. They both jolted at the sudden stimulation before relaxing at the same time. She felt nothing but the warmth of his lips on hers, and the pleasant trill through her body as he kissed her back softly. She had never felt comforted like she did in that moment. And even though she knew that her pain wouldn't every truly dissapear, she knew that with him she could feel relief. She pulled away so that their lips were a breath apart. "I want to try... If you promise not to hurt me that is." She whispered against his lips.

His mouth quirked up in a small smile, and he felt immensely happy. "I wouldn't dream of it Violet... I care too much about you to ever hurt you..." He pulled back slightly so that he could look down at her. He knew that it wouldn't be easy. He knew that it would be a long and difficult journey ahead, but he couldn't be more content then he was at that moment. 


End file.
